<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>the final angel by suzuyaaaaa</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23796946">the final angel</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/suzuyaaaaa/pseuds/suzuyaaaaa'>suzuyaaaaa</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Neon Genesis Evangelion, Rebuild of Evangelion | Evangelion: New Theatrical Edition</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Crack, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Ohio, Road Trips, Romance, Time Loop, bathroom things</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 23:09:14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,293</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23796946</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/suzuyaaaaa/pseuds/suzuyaaaaa</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>shinji and kaworu travel together to defeat the final angel — together, like they always should be.</p><p> </p><p>(absolute crack &lt;3)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ikari Shinji/Nagisa Kaworu</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>the final angel</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Kaworu, we don’t <em> need </em> beach gear for Ohio,” Shinji chides. Kaworu simply smiles and places a lei around his neck in response. </p><p>Shinji’s face contorts in disgust when Kaworu’s cat, Klance, shits on the floor again, leaving a steaming pile of brown ooze in his wake. “What a stanky pussy,” he scolds. Kaworu simply smiles and places a lei around the shit in response, and Shinji chokes on air. “W-Why—”</p><p>“Don’t be so mean, Shinji-kun. Al Gore is a part of the family, too,” Kaworu beams, blowing an air kiss to Klance’s newest creation.</p><p>“I’m relieved Misato agreed to look after Klance while we’re gone. I hope Pen Pen takes kindly to him.” Shinji continues to pack his belongings, glancing over briefly at the feces as it begins to bubble. Thank god there are no cats in Ohio — only white people and married cousins.</p><p>Kaworu’s phone buzzes in his pocket as he watches Shinji sit on their suitcase and zip the overpacked luggage shut. When he answers the phone, Misato cries out his name in panic. Kaworu recoils as her voice reverberates across the room before pulling it back to his ear.</p><p>“Kaworu-kun, I-I can’t watch Klance anymore. I <em> can’t </em>.”</p><p>Kaworu frowns. “You haven’t even started?”</p><p>“<em> I just found out Kaji watches Ben Shapiro </em>—”</p><p>Kaworu throws his phone across the room before Misato can finish her sentence, shoving down his pants and crouching to add onto Klance’s steaming shitpile, unable to contain the pure sin.</p><p>Shinji, mind scarred by Misato’s grief, plugs his nose and sighs. “What are we supposed to do with him now?” he mutters under his breath as the last drips of feces leave Kaworu’s anus.</p><p>Kaworu pulls up his pants and wipes a line of sweat from his brow. “I guess we have no choice but to take him along.”</p><p>And that’s how Shinji ends up sharing the front seat with Kaworu’s beloved shit machine, luggage crammed into the backseat and Kaworu tapping his fingers on the steering wheel to some tune on the radio. It’s only been 20 minutes, and he wants to commit human instrumentality.</p><p>Kaworu notices the other’s discomfort and smiles like the moon peeking behind the clouds, reaching for his phone where Misato is still sobbing over Kaji’s newest fetish. “Shinji-kun, I have a playlist I made for the trip if you’d like to put it on. I made it with you in mind.” He punctuates his offer with a wink, and Shinji sighs fondly.</p><p>He taps the shuffle button mindlessly without looking at the tracklist, closing his eyes and preparing himself for some soft piano—</p><p>
  <em> “This one is for the boys with the boomin’ system </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Top-down AC with the coolin’ system” </em>
</p><p>Shinji recoils and catapults Klance into the back, shrieking and accidentally peeing a little. Kaworu bops his head and sways back and forth, swerving the minivan across the yellow line and across the Pacific Ocean into Ohio.</p><p>When they arrive, their Evangelions stand tall before them, one on each side of a sign saying “Welcome to Ohio!” It’s shaped like Ohio.</p><p>Shinji, still reeling from Nicki Minaj’s blaring raps and shuddering at the Ohio-esque scene, snatches Kaworu’s phone and yells into the speaker, hoping Misato is still on. “What the <em> fuck </em>?”</p><p>Misato stops sniffling and snorts instead — he can practically hear her flipping her hair over her shoulder. “Didn’t you know? Ohio’s the latest angel, LOL. Suit up!”</p><p>The land begins to shake, and Shinji drops the phone in surprise. Kaworu looks over his shoulder and pales a paler albino white as the border of Ohio starts separating from the rest of the Earth, carrying the car and their mechas up towards the stratosphere. </p><p>“Surf’s up, Shinji-kun!” Kaworu frantically commands, pulling out <a href="https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/please-dont-break-the-window"> this sign </a> from the glovebox and pasting it on the windshield before leaping out of the vehicle towards his Eva. Shinji’s chest tightens with the pressure that only piloting can give him, leaving Klance behind and magical-girl-transforming into his plugsuit.</p><p>Kaworu jumps, tucks, and rolls parkour-style up into his unit, and Shinji quickly follows suit, swallowing the LCL like it’s pee and listening to Maya-what’s-her-name talk about harmonics rates. </p><p>“Kaworu-kun, what should we do?” Shinji nearly sobs. The smell of urine wafts up his nose.</p><p>Kaworu smirks over at him like he’s holding a dirty secret. “Oh, Shinji-kun, don’t you know? We have to go to the heart of Ohio.”</p><p>Shinji shudders. “N-<em> No </em>, not—you couldn’t possibly mean—”</p><p>“<em> White Castle. </em>”</p><p>Shinji, horrified at the reality of the situation, nearly passes the fuck out because <em> fuck White Castle </em>.</p><p>The pair take their Evas approximately five big steps forward before approaching the nearest White Castle, stark and greasy in all its American wrath. </p><p>Kaworu looks at Shinji with brows drawn together in determination. “I’ll lead the way, okay? You deliver the final squeeze.” Shinji nods solemnly and takes in another gulp of piss-LCL. </p><p>Kaworu’s eyes begin to tear up, and he smiles in a special, bittersweet way like leaves about to fall. “If we don’t make it, Shinji... we’ll meet again. I promise.”</p><p>Shinji lets out a little fart and tightens his grip on his Eva’s guns. “I know we will. I love you.”</p><p>“I love you too.”</p><p>With that, Kaworu takes in a hesitant breath and takes another widdle baby step forward, kneeling down and finally, with all of his might — knocks gently on the drive-through window and smiles at the essential worker who should be at home during this crisis.</p><p>“Hi, welcome to White Castle! What can I get for you?” they ask politely, smile sharp at the seams like a kidney stone.</p><p>Kaworu taps a finger on his chin as he scans the options. “I would like one breakfast slider combo, and... wait, one second — Shinji-kun, what do you want?”</p><p>Shinji blinks in surprise and crowds next to his boyfriend, squinting at the squiggly writing next to the sliding window. “Can I get a Fish Nibblers?”</p><p>The worker hums as they tap the screen next to them. “Small, medium, or sack?”</p><p>Shinji’s mouth curls devilishly, and Kaworu shivers, letting out a teensy weensy poopy stinky. Shinji reaches past the employee deep into the heart of White Castle, the Eva’s hands finding the manager sitting on the toilet.</p><p>Shinji wraps the metal fingers around the manager’s neck. “<em> Sack in the house </em>.” Squeeze!</p><p>Shinji hears rather than feels the manager’s neck pop like a bubble, and the ground beneath then begins to shake once more. “Shinji, we have to go,” Kaworu nearly pleads, kicking away the building’s walls and sending himself off the entire state of Ohio.</p><p>Shinji followed Kaworu off the edge, Eva grabbing their car and flying down towards next-door Michigan. Just as he’s about to land, Kaworu’s Eva does a flying Bro Fist, thrusting the car right into the ground and killing Klance instantly.</p><p>Shinji shrieks with the cry of a thousand deaths, ricochets out of the mecha and bellyflops on top of the car. “<em> Klance isn’t canon anymore! </em>” he sobs onto the steaming metal, feet twitching as he lets a big one rip in agony.</p><p>Kaworu emerges from his Eva and rubs Shinji’s back gently while he cries. Shinji glances up at Kaworu. “What are we supposed to do <em> now </em> ? <em> Fuck Ohio! </em>”</p><p>Kaworu simply smiles and places a lei around his neck in response. “If Kaji had never started watching Ben Shapiro, Klance would still be with us,” he muses. “You know what comes next, right, Shinji-kun?”</p><p>Kaworu reaches out a pale hand, and Shinji sniffles and takes it — he feels like he’s done this a million times before. “I know what we have to do. <em> We have to take down Ben Shapiro </em>.”</p><p>Kaworu nods solemnly and pulls Shinji up to his feet. “Surf’s up, Shinji-kun.”</p><p>“Kaworubunga.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>my friend zurakomasan and i wrote this in together for shits and giggles bc they just finished evangelion last night. i love these kids a lot theyre my favorite ship ever frfrfr despite all my shumako fic from p5 :) pls enjoy</p><p> </p><p>someday i'll write a real fic worthy of these two men ilove so much</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>